About half the time you ask a girl for her number at the end of a fun IM conversation, she’s gonna give you the “pause”. Her brain is contemplating if she should give you her number or not. This is a big step for most women. It represents an acceptance of your advances. It’s her admitting, “I’m interested, and want to know more”.
Problem is, about half of the time (after the pause of death), she’s gonna hit you with the old, “why don’t you email me first”. Now some guys just say, “cool”, take down her email, and skip off as if they’ve sealed a deal. NOT SO.
Here are the reasons why you do NOT want to agree to this silly little game of “e-mail tag”:
1. It puts her back in control. You’ve invested all this time and energy into getting her attention online, making her laugh, spiking attraction, building rapport, etc. Now after all this navigation, you’re gonna give her back the steering wheel? No way!!
2. It gives her time to forget about you. This isn’t intentional on her part. In fact, the most likely reason she’s slowing things down is because she just wants time to get to know you better, and make sure her initial attraction wasn’t just a fleeting moment of weakness. (which is a good quality in a trustworthy women!). The unfortunate reality is that during this time, her memory of the fun conversation she had with you will fade. If you think it’s challenging to make a lasting impression in person, it goes double for online dating.
3. E-mail is for dorks. You’re not a dork are you? When it comes to ways to build attraction, e-mail is bottom of the barrel. Yes, we all use it for work, school, and our day to day. We use it for online dating because we HAVE to. However, that doesn’t shake the dorky, impersonal stigma it carries. E-mail isn’t sexy.
So, let’s assume you’ve opted-out of the emails back and forth. After a fun conversation, this can be said as plainly as, “I’m not interested in e-mails”. This leaves you and your play for her number in limbo, for the time being.
I try not to have too many hard and fast “rules”, but from this point forward, you’ve set the wheels of intention in motion. A step backwards into email should clearly be made “unacceptable”. (but don’t use that word, it’s hardly ever good to say aloud). You will stand firm, and expectant, until she offers up her compromise. If you have good attraction going, I promise she will offer her compromise.
There will likely be a long pause in the conversation once you let her know that you “don’t do email”. It feels awkward for her. This is why girls give fake numbers to guys in real life, to avoid awkward moments like these. However this is a different kind of moment, because she IS interested. You’ve laid out the next step clearly by asking for her number with confidence and authority. The firmness in your tone now, and pause in your fun energy is telling her that the only thing stopping this love train from moving forward is her own indecision, uncertainty, and social programming going on in her head.
She may try to convince you that email is good…don’t fall for it. You can ease up a little now though, because she’s working for you. You can reward her, “I’d love to get to know you, but I’m not into email hon”.
It’s worth mentioning that she might have a REALLY good excuse as to why she can’t chat yet (none come to mind), but if it sounds legit, by all means be accommodating.
At this point, you’ve done a commendable job standing firm about the next step, and demonstrating that you know how to lead her without begging, “please?”, or being a domineering asshole, “I says give me your phone number, wench!”.
So congratulations thus far. Next, she will steer the interaction 1 of 4 possible ways:
1. Final exam. This last test of hers is graded as pass/fail only. Trust me, she wants you to pass. It will likely be a question along the lines of, “you’re not gonna stalk me, are you?”. The correct response is, “you wish”. (points also for “if you’re good”, or “only in your dreams”)
2. A compromise. (which you will think about, then accept). Her compromise will either consist of an, “If I can…, will you…” question, or a, “just email me first, then I’ll send you my number”, kind of thing. All acceptable things as long as she’s trying to accommodate YOU, and recognizes the ball as being in her court.
3. She tells you to give her YOUR number instead. This is 3rd worst of the 4 outcomes because you are trusting her with control of the wheel, and she might not follow through. Granted, these girls always call me because I’ve generated massive attraction. However, I always make sure they call me right then and there, or it’s no deal. Once I see that “unlisted” on my caller ID, I know I’m golden 
4. She regress into permanent limbo/paralysis by not saying another word, (until she signs off). Best to just let these girls go. A girl who can’t take the hand of a confident leader is a sign of deeper trust issues. Last minute resistance would have been the least of your worries. You’re asking for drama, and it just isn’t worth it, no matter how hot the girl is.
So there you have it. You’ve asked for her number, overcome her objections, and gotten the glory.
Coming soon: “I got her number…now what??”