Me and my crew rolled up to the sports infused venue of ill-repute around 10ish. I like arriving early, because the girls are much more open to meeting new people. This is because the guys aren’t yet drunk, and don’t have the balls to start hitting on the girls until at least 11:00. If you choose to doom yourself to the hyper competitive environment of club game, at least do it early. Here’s a rough breakdown of the typical club schedule;

9:00pm The club opens for business. Promoters are chilling out waiting for there people to show, and there’s a handful of groups scattered about. They usually have ties to someone who works there.

10:00pm Energy starts to pick up a bit. Girls and groups start rolling in. Cliques start getting their drink on. A brave cassanova or 2 might introduce themselves to a group of girls.

11:00pm The absolute best time of the night. Girls have had 0-1.5 drinks by now, are starting to get into the vibe, and most have still not been hit on yet. They are ready to mingle, but most guys are not drunk enough yet to make a move. Best to choose the hottest targets available and go all out because come midnight, this will be much more difficult.

12:00am Garbage time begins. Many girls are getting into full-on dance mode. Some guys are getting sloppy drunk, and have begun making rude & lewd approaches to the cute girls. Girls, previously enjoying the attention, are now getting defensive and ready to leave, or hooking up.

1:00am Garbage time. Most people are wasted, and initiating conversation with new girls becomes a near impossibility. Animal instincts take over. People are singing and dancing. If you’re not drunk, you’re probably pretty uncomfortable right now.

2:00am Closing time for most. If you’ve stuck around this long, and still haven’t hooked up, now is your chance for redemption. Best bet is outside the club where girls are waiting for taxis, chatting with friends, and beginning to sober up. Unfortunately, neither of you are looking as hot anymore under the street lights. Wonder why you’re still going out to the clubs when the same girls are plentiful available during the day and online.

Anyway, like I said we rolled up around 10, and we’re just chatting about guy stuff. A 3 set rolls in and every guy in the place stares. There’s a tall leggy brunette, a short busty blonde, and an Asian/Latina looking number…basically, something for just about everyone.

I wait for them to get their drinks, sit down, and snap all their facebook pictures before I make my approach their table;
BL: “hey guys” (big smile)
HB’s: “heeeeyyyyyyy”
BL: “you guys looked so fun, I had to come meet you”
HB: “we are fun! yaaaay” (some other random exclamations all around)
BL: “so whose the leader here?”
After a brief discussion, they decide it’s the tall brunette
BL: “so, you’re the party friend, she’s the shy thoughtful one, and you over there are the mom…right?”
HB’s: “OMG, LOLOL, THAT”S so TRUE”
BL: “cool, yea I read minds. So how do you guys all know each other?”

I pull up a chair, we rapport for about 5 minutes, and I introduce one of my wings to the group. He chats up the exotic number, and I’m left deciding between HBleggy brunette and HBbusty blonde, on my left & right respectively.

They are both talking at me from either side, and it’s stressful keeping them both entertained. I need to pick a target and isolate soon, otherwise I’ll loose the momentum I’ve built. Brunette is giving me intense eye contact and smiling, but is not contributing much to the conversation. Blondie is stroking her hair, touching her leg, and asking me question after question, “what do you do, where are you from, etc.” It’s a tough call, but my body language read is that while blondie may not be as beautiful, she is more ready to party…now.

I take blondie by the hand, and say to brunette, “do you mind if I borrow your friend for a minute?” She play lectures me about bringing her back soon, because she knows king-fu, or something. I take blondie by the hand to the back of the club, and we cozy up on the couches.

After about 30 minutes of chatting up and checkups from her friends, we’re making out on the couch, and she asks me if I live nearby. I think to myself, this is a pretty good question to be asked right now. I’m half tempted to tease her with a “hey, get your mind out of the gutter!” but with experience comes knowledge, and I simply answer, “yep”. I let her plan out the logistics while she txt’s the friends, explaining that she’ll meet up with them later on.

Closing out her tab was an obstacle course to say the least. Hazard #1 came in the form of cock-blocking acquaintance, who if he saw me, would most certainly make some off-color comments in front of blondie, and talk her ear off no doubt. That was the last thing I needed at this moment, so I carefully navigated blondie by the shoulders to the other side of the bar, avoiding the landmine. Hazard #2 was blondies friends in the very next room, who would have most certainly talked her out of leaving the club with me. “but I should say goodbye!” a fairly drunk HBblondie kept exclaiming, but I knew I couldn’t let that happen, or this little fishie would swim for sure. I changed the subject each time, reassured her that she already txt’d them, and that I would deliver her back, safe & sound.

From the moment we got back to my place, it was ON. Shirt & pants came off, no problem. Nakedness ensues, safety precautions are taken, and we’re getting down with it, official. Her breasts are gigantic. Belly is flat, and waist is slim. Her Drunken state certainly detracts from the experience somewhat, but I’m enjoying this catch immensely, and reminding myself it was only a few years ago I’d hardly squeezed a pair of breasts, much less a pair that looked like these. I’m thinking club game isn’t so bad after all. Then something terrible happened.

Her cell phone rings. She answers. Her friend asks if she’s busy. She says, “nope, what’s up?”. They’re having a full on conversation. Yeah, I’m still railing her. I tell her to hang up and shut off her phone. She’s still gabbing away. I start loosing my erection. She tells her friend to hold on.

HB: “fuck me harder!”
BL: “hang up the phone”
HB: “fuck me hard!”

Despite the initial pleasure, this minute or 2 of torment was simply too much for me to deem tolerable. I pull out, pull the condom off, and start getting dressed. Eventually it sets in that she was acting like a total C word, and she starts apologizing.

The apologies turn to crying. Here I am in my apartment with a girl I hardly know crying on my shoulder about how she never does this, just broke up with her boyfriend, and how much she misses being in a relationship. I tell her I understand she’s in a rough place emotionally right now, and it would be cool to maybe see her again when she’s more ready for real intimacy, but at the end of the day, her behavior was that of a 1st class bitch, and I don’t fly that route.

She calls a cab and leaves. I check around to make sure she didn’t steal anything. Check. I call my friends and ask why I still go to clubs and put myself through this sort of drama. They tell me I’m addicted to the chase. I fucking hate the chase. I just want to meet a nice girl who knows how to cook and um, doesn’t answer her fucking cell phone during sex. Is that too much to ask?

Club game, once again, has proven to be a waste of time. Sure I got laid, but for my time and effort I could have met a drama-free girl online, or outside during the day. I’ve yet to meet a crazy while doing online dating…clubs just seem full of ‘em.

We talked about online dating, her career path, the craziness of being a movie studio assistant, and her business school applications during a job market in recession. About 30 minutes in, I reached out for her hand, and felt cold, damp fingertips.

Here was a girl, who at 24 years old, had only been with 1 other guy…and she was starting to trust me. We left the diner, and I walked her to my car. “but I’m parked the other way” she said. “that’s cool, I’ll drive you over”.

I fired up the engine, and turned up the radio. Nothing gets me in the mood like public radio news. I looked at her, and while holding her hand, I said, “I don’t want you to go. I want to keep hanging out with you”. She agreed, and asked what we should do. “We could go back to my place, just for a little while though, cause we have work in the morning.” She gives me a knowing smirk. The proposition lingers in the awkward air for 7 seconds which feel like eternity. Then she gives her response. “sure”.

We sit on the couch, as people do, and the TV gods bestow upon me a season finale of The Bachelor. I tell her I would make a great Bachelor. She agrees. We cuddle, and after 20 minutes of reality TV laughs, she starts kissing me. I don’t put up much of a fight.

We try to makeout comfortably on the couch, but it’s an exercise in futility, so I place her arms around my neck, scoop her up by the legs, and throw her on the bed. That might sound barbaric, but my chicks always find it romantic, or funny, depending on who you ask.

I’m on my back most of the time, which is most unlike my standard modus operandi. But like I said, HBinnocent is, well, pretty innocent, so I’m reluctant to corrupt too quickly. Nature takes it’s course soon enough, as it does, and her shirt comes off to the thinly veiled, “I’m not this kind of girl”. As suspected, she’s sporting DD’s.

Unfortunately they’re not the firmest breasts I’ve encountered, but they are a nice round shape, and the nipples are happy to see me. She objected at the pants too, with the stock standard, “omg I haven’t shaved!”. I’m convinced girls purposely don’t shave for 1st dates purely so they have this canned objection ready to go. Pants came off a minute later with a simple flipping her around on her belly and a quick but firm tug at the ankles.

I reach under the pillow clumsily, acting as if I can’t remember if I have a condom there or not. But it’s just an act, I know it’s there. I’m allergic to latex, so I hand her the condom and say “put this on me”. Looking back, this was a risky move. It’s cost me the lay before, as it places responsibility for the final act squarely on the girls shoulders…at least in her mind.

This one was locked up though, so she obliges the request with a giggle and a “you’re so big…oh my god it’s been so long since I’ve done this”. Compliments both. By this time I’m back on top, and to my surprise, she’s the one putting me inside of her.

She asks me to go slow, as she hasn’t been with a man in years. She really is a sweet girl. I tell her it’s ok, and that I find her lack of experience endearing, even though she’s self conscious about it. But hey, I’m a guy…I’m just happy to be there.

She’s loving the things I’m doing to her body, and whispering in her ear, and begs me to tell her what to do next. Eventually, I do fuck her brains out…what can I say, I’m all about pacing.

Round 2 comes after a brief Curb Your Enthusiasm interlude, after which we get dressed, I drive her to her car, and she thanks me for a wonderful evening. I probably wont see her again.

I go home, check my inbox, respond to a couple new prospects who loved my profile, and even find a fresh phone number (score!). I leave my phone out in the event of an “I’m home safe” txt, but it doesn’t come. I go to sleep just an hour shy of my preferred bedtime…not a bad night.

As for Dave himself, I’ve never met the guy, but he comes across as a well rounded nice Jewish boy from Miami. With so many hot Latinas down there, I’m sure Dave has fun employing his own dating method.

The product arrived in my mailbox, and I unwrapped the box to find the standard size dvd case with a plain white lablel; “Insider Internet Dating”. I put the disk in my computer, and hit play.

Dave does a good job establishing credibility as a guy who has success with getting girls online. The product features video highlighting the popularity of his profile pages, as well as the large numbers of response emails from cute girls. You get the sense he practices what he preaches.

The product gets into the theory of dating online, what the best paid dating sites are, and how to go about creating your profile for them. A fair amount of this section is elementary, and many of the key concepts are repeated to the point of redundancy. That being said, I still found some valuable insights along the way.

At about the halfway points, Dave M. get’s into the nitty gritty of how he pimps his profiles and tweaks his emails for maximum impact. It gets into some more specific, quantifiable tactics, the majority of which I approve of and vouch for as actually working.

For just $100, I’d say Insider Internet Dating is a very good value, covering the need-to-know fundamentals of dating online, as well as a handful of tactical nuggets that are pure gold. It may not be the “magic bullet” the marketing hype would have you believe, but it’s one of the better seduction products i’ve seen. Anyway, check it out for yourself. If you decide to pick it up, let me know what you think!

The main reason online dating surges during Christmas, is because for single folks, it’s a lonely time. The second reason is due to vacation from work and school, they actually have the free time to get their love life handled. Hence, holidays are ideal for taking a first, or more serious plunge into the world of online dating.

See for yourself. Simply sign into any of the major paid sites like match.com or eharmony.com, and you’ll notice lots of fresh new faces. I find that girls are more receptive to reading and responding to my emails. Again, more time to devote to dating has this effect on the scene.

Being single during the holidays makes for a fantastic conversation starter too. Relating to the shared experience of being single for the holidays builds quick rapport. Women will be more open to being spontaneous, and meeting up. So, if for some reason you’ve been waiting to ask her out (though as you know I don’t condone waiting long in the first place), now is the best time to get the digits.

I mean think about it. After years of growing up watching romantic, holiday themed chick flicks, women have romanticized the holidays, Christmas especially, as a magical time to meet that special someone.

Plus with walks through the snow, ice skating, and snowball fights, you have plenty of holiday date activities at your disposal, free of charge. No dinner bills or drink tabs; what’s not to love?

The first step to creating a massively successful and attractive online dating profile is taking stock of who you are, what you’re all about, and deciding upon a general “archetype” that daters will quickly identify with, and respond favorably to.

For guys, the best archetype is “Funny, Nice Guy”. Other good ones include, “Confident Ladies Man”, “Mr. Successful”, “Brooding Artist”, “Alpha Dog”, “Refined Sophisticate”, “Rebellious Badass”, and “Intellectual Genius”. (Ladies, guys always go gaga for the “Sweet Girl Next Door”.)

The archetype you’re going for should be supported by pictures, reflecting the associated qualities of your archetype. For example, the “Funny, Nice Guy” archetype calls for a picture communicating his sense of humor (80’s rocker on Halloween), and a friendly, warm smile (ideally while holding a puppy).

These Archetypes can be modified and combined, so play around with them, and choose one that works best for you! See my next post to learn all about pictures.

If you’re naturally photogenic and gorgeous, you don’t need to worry about this section. However, for those of us less than a perfect 10 in the looks department, we will be putting some more thought and effort into our profile pictures.

Make no mistake; your pictures are much more important than the actual content of your profile. Just accept this fact of life for what it is…I’m about to tell you how to make it work in your favor:

Step #1 - Photo Preparation

Assemble your collection of recent photos and place them all into 1 single folder on your computer. If any particularly good ones are with attractive members of the opposite sex, Photoshop them out, as it makes you appear unapproachable/unattainable for people viewing your profile.

Crop the images so the focus is on you. It’s ok to leave trace hints of the fun & friends around you, but make it absolutely clear as to which person the profile belongs to. There is nothing more frustrating than seeing a picture of 2 girls, 1 cute and 1 fugly, and not knowing which one you’re writing to, (profile tip: when in doubt, it’s usually the uglier one). Once you have your sample pool of personal photos cropped, re-sized, and ready to go, the next step is deciding which ones to use for your dating profile.

Step #2 – Photo Selection

Most people just use whichever photos they deem themselves to be best…this why most people are not successful with online dating. Because pics are the most important aspect of your profile, it’s worth applying some metrics for selecting your very best photos.

Hotornot.com provides unbiased, immediate, and quantitative feedback on which pictures are your very best. Simply create a quick profile, upload a picture, and log in the following day to view the consensus. I guarantee you’ll be surprised as to which of your pics rank well, which are just average, and which rank poorly. Do it for as many days as you have pictures.

Because Hotornot ranks on a scale from 1-10, it’s easy to see how good one picture is relative to another. If you’re skeptical about the rating you got, you can always take it down and re-run it just to be sure you got an accurate rating, (although I have personally found the ratings very consistent). If you can’t get at least an 8.0+ on a few, you need to take new pictures.

Of the photos that fetch good number ratings, choose 1 or 2 that support your general archetype. Then, supplement these shots with photos that showcase different facets of your lifestyle, to form a complete identity.

For example, I am really into music, so I have a pic wearing headphones while playing guitar in my recording studio. If you’re all about sports, have a picture playing ball, or at least attending a ball game.

Another rule of thumb is to always include at least one shot dressed UP (suit or dress). It’s an easy way to add a touch of class.

Remember, your online persona is communicated through your pictures first, and supported by the content of your profile second. Spend the extra time getting your pictures right… it’s an investment worth making.

So when is the best time to call a girl you met online?

If you got her phone number over instant messenger, the best time to call is right then and there. This is because she’s still emotionally engaged in the interaction with you. By calling her immediately, she will associate the good vibes of the IM conversation to your voice. Also, the next time you call, you won’t need to remind her who you are.

If she emailed you her number, I recommend calling between 5:30pm and 6:30pm the next day. Don’t make first contact on weekends, as most people are hanging out with friends and family. If she doesn’t answer, leave a short & sweet voice message. If she doesn’t call back immediately, follow up again in 3-5 days.

The most important part of phone seduction is a funny intro. Don’t call her for the first time until you’re in a GREAT mood. Women are very adaptable, and your opening statements are going to set the tone for the rest of the conversation; so get on the good foot!

My personal favorite is, “Is this (adjective) girl?…”This is Bladelaw, your new secret lover from (dating site)”…”I’m calling to rescue you from those internet weirdos”

Creative, cocky & funny material like this will get her giggling. If she’s not laughing for whatever reason (perhaps at work, has company over, or has a slow sense of humor), don’t sweat it. Just keep saying cocky & funny stuff, and eventually she’ll crack.

Initially, you just want to establish that you are the prize, and the 2 of you are gonna have fun. Once the flirty tone is set, run with it! Building attraction on the phone is easy when you do it from the start. Once she’s interested, and attracted to your personality, she’ll naturally steer the conversation into, “interview mode”.

Don’t hold back from talking all about yourself, but don’t be too serious yet. Keep it as light and flirty as possible. What you do for a living matters less than how you make her feel about it. To make someone feel something, you must express feelings yourself. Let’s say you’re a janitor;

“Being a janitor at my school is like Temptation Island. I’m there to do my job, and do it well, but it’s tough when these bored teachers get carried away with their fantasies. I understand they work with kids all day, but come on…they just stare at me like I’m some piece of meat!”

Get to know each other a little bit, but don’t be too specific with stuff…leave a little mystery for gods sake. If she’s prying for tons of intel about your life, dole it out slowly. You need to keep things interesting for when you get together.

If she’s the quiet type, just talk about yourself, your life, and how you FEEL about the people and events around you.

If she goes off on a long tangent about something dumb or boring, she’s probably just nervous, and feels the need to fill up any dead air. Interrupt with, “Hey, I’m gonna change the subject for a second”, and talk about whatever it is that you found more interesting, or want to know about.

After 10-25 minutes of laughing and getting to know each other, the energy level will eventually settle down, and you’ll both feel a subtle, awkward kind of sensation…this vibe is natures way of saying “time for the next step”. Once you’ve reached this point, invite her out.

Time permitting, I always invite them to come hang out right then and there. Again, this is because you’re both already in a good state, and you can anchor that fun phone conversation to an in-person interaction. It also shows her that you’re interested, without verbalizing it, which would be a misstep at this stage. After all, you are still considering her, she hasn’t won you over just yet.

Ask her, “Are you the adventurous type?” Then, “How spontaneous are you?” It doesn’t matter the answers, they are just to set up your invitation. “Very cool! Well in that case, you are officially invited to (activity) with me at (date, place + time)”. Make sure you know the details of your invitation before you make it.

The activity can be anything from hang out on the beach, go for a stroll through a cool part of town, or just grab a drink somewhere. It doesn’t matter. You are presenting her with a once in a lifetime opportunity to hang out with a cool guy such as yourself. In asking her out this way, you demonstrate your ability to make decisions, and lead her confidently.

Notice, you do not “ask” her for a “date”. You “invite” her to “hang out”.

Asking a girl out is old fashioned courtship. In doing so, you place her in the drivers seat, giving away your position of choice. Keep the crown of power for yourself, and “extend an invitation” for her to come join you. It is the most classy, non-needy way to get a date.

As for the word “date”, aside from its romantic connotations, carries more pressure and expecations than it is worth. Don’t use it. “Hanging out” on the other hand is a casual, friendly activity, and pressure free. You just want to get her in-person…from there you’re free to romance her any way you like.

If you’ve done everything right thus far, she’ll be so excited that she’ll accept on the spot, and rush off to change her clothes. If timing is an issue, she’ll make a counter offer…usually for the next day.

Ask her what she’s planning on wearing, and she’ll request a cue from you. It doesn’t matter “what” you tell her to wear; “Wear something cute”, or “Wear something casual”. As long as you’re telling her, she’ll love you for it.

The next step is meeting up in-person! There are plenty of other resources for that part of the game…as for me, my guide to getting you a date online has come to an end. You’re on your own from here!

Be your best, and may the force be with you

Paid sites offer higher quality daters than free sites. Paid daters are also more serious about meeting someone offline than people on social networking. What’s frustrating about paid sites, is most people who put up their profile never actually pay for a membership. Non-paying members can’t respond to, or even see your Email.

Free dating sites and personals hold the advantage of having the largest sheer volume of potential daters. The drawback to this of course is that with lots of people, comes mostly undesirables…low quality people you don’t want to go out with.

Social networking is the most multi-faceted of the 3 avenues. These sites make it easy to screen for quality. Their customizable pages provide a more in-depth snapshot into a person’s attitudes, personality, lifestyle, and social circle than the uniform format traditional dating sites have.

For better and for worse, social networking is also a casual environment. It doesn’t have the expectations of finding love online that a true dating site carries. This is helpful for when you’re making initial contacts. The downside, is that most girls in this environment have no intention of ever meeting someone they don’t already know offline. Laides, you already know that guys hold no such reservations, so these sites are a bit better for you.

Each site carries unique advantages and disadvantages. See the table of contents on the left for pros and cons of the relevant, best online dating sites.

With 63% of costs going to paid advertising, it’s no wonder we’re bombarded with ads for the latest and greatest matchmaking service, promising love, sex, and beautiful people. Adding to the noise level, there are currently over 1000 different online dating services to choose from. Finding the best sites is a daunting task.

The major players are constantly running special promotions, changing ownerships, and going in and out of business. Because of the volitile nature of the online daitng industry, I’m not going to cover membership specifics here. Rather, I’m going to give you a brief rundown of what you really need to know about the best paid dating sites.