Online Dating Methods

The most important part of your online dating profile is your pictures.

If you’re naturally photogenic and gorgeous, you don’t need to worry about this section. However, for those of us less than a perfect 10 in the looks department, we will be putting some more thought and effort into our profile pictures.

Make no mistake; your pictures are much more important than the actual content of your profile. Just accept this fact of life for what it is…I’m about to tell you how to make it work in your favor:

Step #1 - Photo Preparation

Assemble your collection of recent photos and place them all into 1 single folder on your computer. If any particularly good ones are with attractive members of the opposite sex, Photoshop them out, as it makes you appear unapproachable/unattainable for people viewing your profile.

Crop the images so the focus is on you. It’s ok to leave trace hints of the fun & friends around you, but make it absolutely clear as to which person the profile belongs to. There is nothing more frustrating than seeing a picture of 2 girls, 1 cute and 1 fugly, and not knowing which one you’re writing to, (profile tip: when in doubt, it’s usually the uglier one). Once you have your sample pool of personal photos cropped, re-sized, and ready to go, the next step is deciding which ones to use for your dating profile.

Step #2 – Photo Selection

Most people just use whichever photos they deem themselves to be best…this why most people are not successful with online dating. Because pics are the most important aspect of your profile, it’s worth applying some metrics for selecting your very best photos.

Hotornot.com provides unbiased, immediate, and quantitative feedback on which pictures are your very best. Simply create a quick profile, upload a picture, and log in the following day to view the consensus. I guarantee you’ll be surprised as to which of your pics rank well, which are just average, and which rank poorly. Do it for as many days as you have pictures.

Because Hotornot ranks on a scale from 1-10, it’s easy to see how good one picture is relative to another. If you’re skeptical about the rating you got, you can always take it down and re-run it just to be sure you got an accurate rating, (although I have personally found the ratings very consistent). If you can’t get at least an 8.0+ on a few, you need to take new pictures.

Of the photos that fetch good number ratings, choose 1 or 2 that support your general archetype. Then, supplement these shots with photos that showcase different facets of your lifestyle, to form a complete identity.

For example, I am really into music, so I have a pic wearing headphones while playing guitar in my recording studio. If you’re all about sports, have a picture playing ball, or at least attending a ball game.

Another rule of thumb is to always include at least one shot dressed UP (suit or dress). It’s an easy way to add a touch of class.

Remember, your online persona is communicated through your pictures first, and supported by the content of your profile second. Spend the extra time getting your pictures right… it’s an investment worth making.

Once you get a girls phone number online, you have officially gone from “random internet dude”, to potential lover. The hardest part of the process is finally over…congratulations!

So when is the best time to call a girl you met online?

If you got her phone number over instant messenger, the best time to call is right then and there. This is because she’s still emotionally engaged in the interaction with you. By calling her immediately, she will associate the good vibes of the IM conversation to your voice. Also, the next time you call, you won’t need to remind her who you are.

If she emailed you her number, I recommend calling between 5:30pm and 6:30pm the next day. Don’t make first contact on weekends, as most people are hanging out with friends and family. If she doesn’t answer, leave a short & sweet voice message. If she doesn’t call back immediately, follow up again in 3-5 days.

The most important part of phone seduction is a funny intro. Don’t call her for the first time until you’re in a GREAT mood. Women are very adaptable, and your opening statements are going to set the tone for the rest of the conversation; so get on the good foot!

My personal favorite is, “Is this (adjective) girl?…”This is Bladelaw, your new secret lover from (dating site)”…”I’m calling to rescue you from those internet weirdos”

Creative, cocky & funny material like this will get her giggling. If she’s not laughing for whatever reason (perhaps at work, has company over, or has a slow sense of humor), don’t sweat it. Just keep saying cocky & funny stuff, and eventually she’ll crack.

Initially, you just want to establish that you are the prize, and the 2 of you are gonna have fun. Once the flirty tone is set, run with it! Building attraction on the phone is easy when you do it from the start. Once she’s interested, and attracted to your personality, she’ll naturally steer the conversation into, “interview mode”.

Don’t hold back from talking all about yourself, but don’t be too serious yet. Keep it as light and flirty as possible. What you do for a living matters less than how you make her feel about it. To make someone feel something, you must express feelings yourself. Let’s say you’re a janitor;

“Being a janitor at my school is like Temptation Island. I’m there to do my job, and do it well, but it’s tough when these bored teachers get carried away with their fantasies. I understand they work with kids all day, but come on…they just stare at me like I’m some piece of meat!”

Get to know each other a little bit, but don’t be too specific with stuff…leave a little mystery for gods sake. If she’s prying for tons of intel about your life, dole it out slowly. You need to keep things interesting for when you get together.

If she’s the quiet type, just talk about yourself, your life, and how you FEEL about the people and events around you.

If she goes off on a long tangent about something dumb or boring, she’s probably just nervous, and feels the need to fill up any dead air. Interrupt with, “Hey, I’m gonna change the subject for a second”, and talk about whatever it is that you found more interesting, or want to know about.

After 10-25 minutes of laughing and getting to know each other, the energy level will eventually settle down, and you’ll both feel a subtle, awkward kind of sensation…this vibe is natures way of saying “time for the next step”. Once you’ve reached this point, invite her out.

Time permitting, I always invite them to come hang out right then and there. Again, this is because you’re both already in a good state, and you can anchor that fun phone conversation to an in-person interaction. It also shows her that you’re interested, without verbalizing it, which would be a misstep at this stage. After all, you are still considering her, she hasn’t won you over just yet.

Ask her, “Are you the adventurous type?” Then, “How spontaneous are you?” It doesn’t matter the answers, they are just to set up your invitation. “Very cool! Well in that case, you are officially invited to (activity) with me at (date, place + time)”. Make sure you know the details of your invitation before you make it.

The activity can be anything from hang out on the beach, go for a stroll through a cool part of town, or just grab a drink somewhere. It doesn’t matter. You are presenting her with a once in a lifetime opportunity to hang out with a cool guy such as yourself. In asking her out this way, you demonstrate your ability to make decisions, and lead her confidently.

Notice, you do not “ask” her for a “date”. You “invite” her to “hang out”.

Asking a girl out is old fashioned courtship. In doing so, you place her in the drivers seat, giving away your position of choice. Keep the crown of power for yourself, and “extend an invitation” for her to come join you. It is the most classy, non-needy way to get a date.

As for the word “date”, aside from its romantic connotations, carries more pressure and expecations than it is worth. Don’t use it. “Hanging out” on the other hand is a casual, friendly activity, and pressure free. You just want to get her in-person…from there you’re free to romance her any way you like.

If you’ve done everything right thus far, she’ll be so excited that she’ll accept on the spot, and rush off to change her clothes. If timing is an issue, she’ll make a counter offer…usually for the next day.

Ask her what she’s planning on wearing, and she’ll request a cue from you. It doesn’t matter “what” you tell her to wear; “Wear something cute”, or “Wear something casual”. As long as you’re telling her, she’ll love you for it.

The next step is meeting up in-person! There are plenty of other resources for that part of the game…as for me, my guide to getting you a date online has come to an end. You’re on your own from here!

Be your best, and may the force be with you