Online Dating Tips for the Holidays

December 25th, 2008 by Bladelaw

The holidays are without a doubt the best time for online dating. Women are off from work, getting together with family, and have lots more free time in general.

The main reason online dating surges during Christmas, is because for single folks, it’s a lonely time. The second reason is due to vacation from work and school, they actually have the free time to get their love life handled. Hence, holidays are ideal for taking a first, or more serious plunge into the world of online dating.

See for yourself. Simply sign into any of the major paid sites like match.com or eharmony.com, and you’ll notice lots of fresh new faces. I find that girls are more receptive to reading and responding to my emails. Again, more time to devote to dating has this effect on the scene.

Being single during the holidays makes for a fantastic conversation starter too. Relating to the shared experience of being single for the holidays builds quick rapport. Women will be more open to being spontaneous, and meeting up. So, if for some reason you’ve been waiting to ask her out (though as you know I don’t condone waiting long in the first place), now is the best time to get the digits.

I mean think about it. After years of growing up watching romantic, holiday themed chick flicks, women have romanticized the holidays, Christmas especially, as a magical time to meet that special someone.

Plus with walks through the snow, ice skating, and snowball fights, you have plenty of holiday date activities at your disposal, free of charge. No dinner bills or drink tabs; what’s not to love?

 
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Attractive Archetypes for Men

November 1st, 2007 by Bladelaw

The average internet dating profile isn’t bad…it’s just hopelessly AVERAGE. A well done profile that actually gets responses does so by standing out from the crowd.

The first step to creating a massively successful and attractive online dating profile is taking stock of who you are, what you’re all about, and deciding upon a general “archetype” that daters will quickly identify with, and respond favorably to.

For guys, the best archetype is “Funny, Nice Guy”. Other good ones include, “Confident Ladies Man”, “Mr. Successful”, “Brooding Artist”, “Alpha Dog”, “Refined Sophisticate”, “Rebellious Badass”, and “Intellectual Genius”. (Ladies, guys always go gaga for the “Sweet Girl Next Door”.)

The archetype you’re going for should be supported by pictures, reflecting the associated qualities of your archetype. For example, the “Funny, Nice Guy” archetype calls for a picture communicating his sense of humor (80’s rocker on Halloween), and a friendly, warm smile (ideally while holding a puppy).

These Archetypes can be modified and combined, so play around with them, and choose one that works best for you! See my next post to learn all about pictures.

The Importance of Pictures

by Bladelaw

The most important part of your online dating profile is your pictures.

If you’re naturally photogenic and gorgeous, you don’t need to worry about this section. However, for those of us less than a perfect 10 in the looks department, we will be putting some more thought and effort into our profile pictures.

Make no mistake; your pictures are much more important than the actual content of your profile. Just accept this fact of life for what it is…I’m about to tell you how to make it work in your favor:

    Step #1 - Photo Preparation

Assemble your collection of recent photos and place them all into 1 single folder on your computer. If any particularly good ones are with attractive members of the opposite sex, Photoshop them out, as it makes you appear unapproachable/unattainable for people viewing your profile.

Crop the images so the focus is on you. It’s ok to leave trace hints of the fun & friends around you, but make it absolutely clear as to which person the profile belongs to. There is nothing more frustrating than seeing a picture of 2 girls, 1 cute and 1 fugly, and not knowing which one you’re writing to, (profile tip: when in doubt, it’s usually the uglier one). Once you have your sample pool of personal photos cropped, re-sized, and ready to go, the next step is deciding which ones to use for your dating profile.

    Step #2 – Photo Selection

Most people just use whichever photos they deem themselves to be best…this why most people are not successful with online dating. Because pics are the most important aspect of your profile, it’s worth applying some metrics for selecting your very best photos.

Hotornot.com provides unbiased, immediate, and quantitative feedback on which pictures are your very best. Simply create a quick profile, upload a picture, and log in the following day to view the consensus. I guarantee you’ll be surprised as to which of your pics rank well, which are just average, and which rank poorly. Do it for as many days as you have pictures.

Because Hotornot ranks on a scale from 1-10, it’s easy to see how good one picture is relative to another. If you’re skeptical about the rating you got, you can always take it down and re-run it just to be sure you got an accurate rating, (although I have personally found the ratings very consistent). If you can’t get at least an 8.0+ on a few, you need to take new pictures.

Of the photos that fetch good number ratings, choose 1 or 2 that support your general archetype. Then, supplement these shots with photos that showcase different facets of your lifestyle, to form a complete identity.

For example, I am really into music, so I have a pic wearing headphones while playing guitar in my recording studio. If you’re all about sports, have a picture playing ball, or at least attending a ball game.

Another rule of thumb is to always include at least one shot dressed UP (suit or dress). It’s an easy way to add a touch of class.

Remember, your online persona is communicated through your pictures first, and supported by the content of your profile second. Spend the extra time getting your pictures right… it’s an investment worth making.

Phone Techniques

October 25th, 2007 by Bladelaw

Once you get a girls phone number online, you have officially gone from “random internet dude”, to potential lover. The hardest part of the process is finally over…congratulations!

So when is the best time to call a girl you met online?

If you got her phone number over instant messenger, the best time to call is right then and there. This is because she’s still emotionally engaged in the interaction with you. By calling her immediately, she will associate the good vibes of the IM conversation to your voice. Also, the next time you call, you won’t need to remind her who you are.

If she emailed you her number, I recommend calling between 5:30pm and 6:30pm the next day. Don’t make first contact on weekends, as most people are hanging out with friends and family. If she doesn’t answer, leave a short & sweet voice message. If she doesn’t call back immediately, follow up again in 3-5 days.

The most important part of phone seduction is a funny intro. Don’t call her for the first time until you’re in a GREAT mood. Women are very adaptable, and your opening statements are going to set the tone for the rest of the conversation; so get on the good foot!

My personal favorite is, “Is this (adjective) girl?…”This is Bladelaw, your new secret lover from (dating site)”…”I’m calling to rescue you from those internet weirdos”

Creative, cocky & funny material like this will get her giggling. If she’s not laughing for whatever reason (perhaps at work, has company over, or has a slow sense of humor), don’t sweat it. Just keep saying cocky & funny stuff, and eventually she’ll crack.

Initially, you just want to establish that you are the prize, and the 2 of you are gonna have fun. Once the flirty tone is set, run with it! Building attraction on the phone is easy when you do it from the start. Once she’s interested, and attracted to your personality, she’ll naturally steer the conversation into, “interview mode”.

Don’t hold back from talking all about yourself, but don’t be too serious yet. Keep it as light and flirty as possible. What you do for a living matters less than how you make her feel about it. To make someone feel something, you must express feelings yourself. Let’s say you’re a janitor;

“Being a janitor at my school is like Temptation Island. I’m there to do my job, and do it well, but it’s tough when these bored teachers get carried away with their fantasies. I understand they work with kids all day, but come on…they just stare at me like I’m some piece of meat!”

Get to know each other a little bit, but don’t be too specific with stuff…leave a little mystery for gods sake. If she’s prying for tons of intel about your life, dole it out slowly. You need to keep things interesting for when you get together.

If she’s the quiet type, just talk about yourself, your life, and how you FEEL about the people and events around you.

If she goes off on a long tangent about something dumb or boring, she’s probably just nervous, and feels the need to fill up any dead air. Interrupt with, “Hey, I’m gonna change the subject for a second”, and talk about whatever it is that you found more interesting, or want to know about.

After 10-25 minutes of laughing and getting to know each other, the energy level will eventually settle down, and you’ll both feel a subtle, awkward kind of sensation…this vibe is natures way of saying “time for the next step”. Once you’ve reached this point, invite her out.

Time permitting, I always invite them to come hang out right then and there. Again, this is because you’re both already in a good state, and you can anchor that fun phone conversation to an in-person interaction. It also shows her that you’re interested, without verbalizing it, which would be a misstep at this stage. After all, you are still considering her, she hasn’t won you over just yet.

Ask her, “Are you the adventurous type?” Then, “How spontaneous are you?” It doesn’t matter the answers, they are just to set up your invitation. “Very cool! Well in that case, you are officially invited to (activity) with me at (date, place + time)”. Make sure you know the details of your invitation before you make it.

The activity can be anything from hang out on the beach, go for a stroll through a cool part of town, or just grab a drink somewhere. It doesn’t matter. You are presenting her with a once in a lifetime opportunity to hang out with a cool guy such as yourself. In asking her out this way, you demonstrate your ability to make decisions, and lead her confidently.

Notice, you do not “ask” her for a “date”. You “invite” her to “hang out”.

Asking a girl out is old fashioned courtship. In doing so, you place her in the drivers seat, giving away your position of choice. Keep the crown of power for yourself, and “extend an invitation” for her to come join you. It is the most classy, non-needy way to get a date.

As for the word “date”, aside from its romantic connotations, carries more pressure and expecations than it is worth. Don’t use it. “Hanging out” on the other hand is a casual, friendly activity, and pressure free. You just want to get her in-person…from there you’re free to romance her any way you like.

If you’ve done everything right thus far, she’ll be so excited that she’ll accept on the spot, and rush off to change her clothes. If timing is an issue, she’ll make a counter offer…usually for the next day.

Ask her what she’s planning on wearing, and she’ll request a cue from you. It doesn’t matter “what” you tell her to wear; “Wear something cute”, or “Wear something casual”. As long as you’re telling her, she’ll love you for it.

The next step is meeting up in-person! There are plenty of other resources for that part of the game…as for me, my guide to getting you a date online has come to an end. You’re on your own from here!

Be your best, and may the force be with you 8)

Online Dating Sites

October 23rd, 2007 by Bladelaw

If you are serious about massive success with online dating, you must do a combination of social networking, free sites, and paid services. There are no shortcuts. As with any good thing in life worth having, you get out what you put in.

Paid sites offer higher quality daters than free sites. Paid daters are also more serious about meeting someone offline than people on social networking. What’s frustrating about paid sites, is most people who put up their profile never actually pay for a membership. Non-paying members can’t respond to, or even see your Email.

Free dating sites and personals hold the advantage of having the largest sheer volume of potential daters. The drawback to this of course is that with lots of people, comes mostly undesirables…low quality people you don’t want to go out with.

Social networking is the most multi-faceted of the 3 avenues. These sites make it easy to screen for quality. Their customizable pages provide a more in-depth snapshot into a person’s attitudes, personality, lifestyle, and social circle than the uniform format traditional dating sites have.

For better and for worse, social networking is also a casual environment. It doesn’t have the expectations of finding love online that a true dating site carries. This is helpful for when you’re making initial contacts. The downside, is that most girls in this environment have no intention of ever meeting someone they don’t already know offline. Laides, you already know that guys hold no such reservations, so these sites are a bit better for you.

Each site carries unique advantages and disadvantages. See the table of contents on the left for pros and cons of the relevant, best online dating sites.